...but never got around to trying.

I'm sure everyone has some bizarre thing that they're just dying to try. As a kid, I had the brilliant idea that if my pencil sharpener made beautiful curls of wood and graphite, it would make equally interesting curls of skin if I attempted to sharpen my pinkie.Half a fingernail and a few bandaids later, I realized that it was a stupid idea. But if I hadn't have tried it, gotten it out of my head, I might still wonder what the results would be. I also might have had pencil sharpener privileges within the past decade.

So, here's a short list of things I've always wanted to do, and I would absolutely love for you guys to join in with your own oddball ideas!

• Steam & wash potatoes in the dishwasher.

My dishwasher has a steam setting. Our family eats potatoes skin-on (I think they're healthier or something). Sometimes, when I am bent over the sink, scrubbing a massive amount of potatoes that will just be put in the oven or some boiling water, my eye wanders down to the steam escaping the dishwasher. What if I could skip the scrub and cook mode altogether, and just throw twenty pounds of tubers in the dishwasher- no soap or Jet Dry- and have them cleaned and cooked all at once? Someone has to have tried this before! It could work for carrots, turnips, and possibly even eggs as well, right?

• Eat everything in a buffet.

I could probably never eat that much food. In fact, I seldom even eat at buffets. But once or twice I've watched unsuspecting employee set out a perfect steamer tray of pot pie, and I just wonder what they would do if I just brought the whole metal pan back to my table, poured it all down my throat, and asked for more. And then ate the whole roast, too. Would they toss me out? It is all-you-can-eat, after all...

I'm sure some crazy guy out there has tried this- what happened? Let us know in the comments, please please please!

• Stand up in church and yell something nonsensical, especially at a wedding or funeral.

I know that I am not alone on this one! I think it is the utter somber mood of many church events, some little glitch inside of us wants to disrupt it, to see what people would do or just to break the spell of reverence. The best I've been able to manage are some sneezes that actually made the cleric reel. Anyone else?

• Drive in reverse down a busy street.

Now, I know this has happened in actions and/or humor movies before. But it was on a movie set, with trained drivers and stuntmen, and probably lots of insurance. I want to try it on a real road, maybe even a highway! I even have dreams about it, except in those dreams I am driving from the backseat and my foot can't reach the pedals. I'm sure there's a really good explanation for those ones...

I still want to try it someday.


Some things I had an odd compulsion to do, and actually did:

• Stapled my palm. Ouch. It got infected and hurt for a long time. I was seven, don't judge me.
• Squished random loaves of bread in the grocery store. Again, a long time ago. I have made reparations, in my own way.
• On the grocery store note, my sisters and I would occasionally make tiny bite or fingernail marks in the wax on Colby longhorn cheese. I am so sorry, poor grocers, for doing stuff like this. When I was fifteen, it was the height of hilarity. Ok, it's still pretty funny, but I know that it's waste and vandalism. Do I get off because my sisters did it too?
• Screamed apocalyptic messages at random strangers on the street. I am extra kind to people of my hometown now, just in case it was one of them and they're still recovering.
  
• Got an ankle tattoo. (Haven't regretted it.)

I'm not talking about life-changing actions here, guys. Just crazy, almost pointless things that itch at the back of your mind often. Share them with me. Please be advised that I will not publish anything rude or lascivious, my mom reads this blog.

Labels: compulsion, crazy, impulse, potatoes, things, wanted, weird

Kid #1 is, like many other young girls, enamored of the American Girls books. In one book, some WWII kid doesn't want to eat her mashed turnips (who would?). Someone- obviously desperate or evil- dresses them up with cinnamon and sugar, and the kid is transported to happy eating once again.

This uncanny combination struck my oldest child as so completely novel that she had to try it. She would no relent until we had some cinnamoned-and-sugared mashed turnips ourselves. Having only eaten turnips in things such as stews and pasties, Kid #1 really had no idea how they tasted on their own.

Being the control freak that I am, I tried explaining to her that turnips are bitter, cabbagey, and not conducive to sweet. She was undeterred. So we traipsed out to Meijer tonight and purchased some turnips. Kid #1 was enthralled at the lovely purple gradient on the side, the interesting scales where the leaves had been trimmed, and the perfect firmness of the tuber.

"Do you have cinnamon and sugar at home, mom, or do we need to buy it?" Kid asked.

"Oh, I always have cinnamon and sugar in my house." I replied flippantly, "It makes everything better."

"Which is why it will be perfect on mashed turnips!!" Kid crowed, actually clasping her hands in glee. That's what I get for my flippancy.

We straggled home after leaving a pretty sum of money at the grocery store, and Kid #1 immediately began searching for a peeler. We boiled water, chopped the blarmy rigid things without incident, and tossed them in, excitement building among the little ones. Michael and I looked over their heads at one another, shrugged, and hoped for the best.

Twenty minutes later, we were far from the best. Mashed turnips look bad and taste awful, even with butter and milk. Add something that normally belongs on yummy toast, and you have a complete assualt on your senses. I made faces, but Kid #1 was crowing,

"Isn't it wonderful, mom? It's such a different taste!"

For all of my doubts, all of my silly groundless worries, it didn't even matter. She loved them, although I noticed a mostly-uneaten bowl sitting on the counter just now. Turnips are ridiculously cheap, I had maybe two dollars invested into the entire project- less than I would have spent on a movie. We got to learn about various root plants, and she got to actually try something that she had read about.

At the age of nine, she is going to be wanting to do a lot more of these things. I have always thought that I would have an easy time letting go of them, but I find it to not be so now. The maturity is fine- but worrying about burns and cuts and kitchen messes and wasted food gets to me. Most of all, I worry that they will be disappointed with the things they want to try.

These are needless worries! Of course all three kids will recieve burns and cuts and stitches! And I think that they will survive these things.
There will be messes and disasters and the occasional wasted food or destroyed pan- but they will leave my house knowing how to fend for themselves!

And disappointment- the only disappointment they will know is not having been allowed in the kitchen, if I keep up my current pace. But I will not. I know that it is time to start slowly letting go, gradually releasing my iron grip on these children and their minds and wills and imaginations.

There came a time when my own mom had to let me in the kitchen- and she grimly withstood burned hamburgers, clumpy rice, spicy potatoes, and watery eggs. I am ready to soldier up now and withstand my share of these, all the while teaching my children the science of cooking, the value of a dollar, and the importance of a happy kitchen. I hope I'm up for the task.

And I hope I don't run out of cinnamon.


We might try it on rutabegas next.

Labels: child rearing, children, cinnamon, cooking, experiment, food, kids, motherhood, recipe, turnips, weird

Meet the tremoctopus.

Utterly intriguing, this creature inhabits the waters off the coast of Florida, Hawaii, and the Gulf of Mexico, as well as Australia and, I'm assuming from the video below, possibly Japan (?).

The female outweighs and outsizes the male by up to 100 times! When swimming around, business as usual, the octopus looks rather normal, almost cute. But threaten her, and she unfurls a cape-like webbing meant to frighten predators away. This video is the only one that I was able to find:



Here's some more in-depth and technical reading as well as lovely photos.

Labels: bizarre, ocean, octopus, sea creatures, undersea, weird