Little Parrots: Legacy Part II

Children learn what they are taught. This point is driven home to me every single day of my life lately. Sometimes, its good. Michael and I have a very loving discourse, and the kids have picked this up for us as well. There's an awful lot of hugging, loving, and pet names in our home.

They learn the other side as well. Just the other day, I was struggling to start my brother-in-law's notoriously difficult weed trimmer. After nearly yanking my arm off, the miserable thing started, sputtered, and died just before I could turn the choke off. I stormed into the house, arm and shoulder wrenched in pain, grumbling loudly;

"Aargh!" were my exact words, "Stupid, blithering piece of crap machine!!"

Kid #3, always sympathetic, came up to soothe me,

"Whatsa matter with the crap machine, mommy?"

If I hadn't corrected her (between laughs) she may have grown up thinking of a weed whacker as a crap machine. I suppose it wouldn't be too far from the truth, but it is an incorrect label, and disrespectful to boot.
They are tiny parrots- always beside us, mimicking our words, our ideals, our style of dress, and our very lives.
If we teach criticism, they will be critical.
If we teach racism, they will learn to hate.
If we teach fear, they will be paranoid.
If we teach consumerism, they will never value anything...

They unconsciously pattern their life after our own, whether we acknowledge that fact or not.

Can you believe that some person has that much trust in you? That much blind faith, to just repeat every action and sound and inflection of voice? Humbling.

For some reason, the bad things are ever so much easier for them to pick up than the good things. I hang up my towel every time I use it, but I think it will be another ten years before my own kids do that- threats notwithstanding!
But I have taught- by accident- some of the worst things my children do and say. I regret these acutely every time they are bounced back at me, and all that I can do now is provide a better example. We are all attempting to love more and be angry less.

Some things your kids will pick up on their own. I don't know where my third child got her precocious ability to entertain, or where my second child got her passionate heart for the missions field. I don't know where my first child's unreasonable fear of aloneness came from, but we're dealing with it with all of the patience we can muster.

It's important to remember that your children will only be this impressionable for a few short years. If you must scream epithets at the nightly news, wait until your kid is out of the house. If your appetite is out of control, learn to curb it for the, not just you. Be loving to your spouse and those around you, and teach respect for others, for nature, and for self. Don't focus on the empty ritual of religion- for the kids- but rather find the root of your belief and teach your child about what your faith means. They perceive far more than you know, and they will reject empty tradition far faster than they will reject true meaning.

Love them, nurture them, and let them grow up. And remember, always, that its up to you whether or not a weed whacker is a crap machine.
Photographs © 2007, courtesy of Arielle Smous

What are You Smothered In?

My youngest is enamored of liquid soap lately. When she is sent to wash her hands, we often have to go rescue the sink ten minutes later. I know its a phase, and they've all gone through it, leaving me slightly poorer in the household goods department. I'd rather have them with clean hands than filthy.

But I got an insight last week into what spurred this interest for her. I had, once again, sent her to wash sticky hands, and subsequently forgotten about it. When, several minutes later, my brain became aware of the fact that the bathroom water was still running, I dashed into said room prepared to give her the stock 'water wasting' lecture (that's lecture #103 in my Mommy repertoire)

She was standing on the stool, smothered in liquid soap, the water running uselessly. Her chubby little hands were working, rubbing the soap vigorously all over her skin, with the stuff glistening from fingertip to elbow. I somehow overcame my initial reaction (screaming) and sardonically asked her if she was done.

"Yup!" She nodded, sticking two fingertips under the water to rinse, "Now my hands will be clean for allllllll day!"

She hopped down from the stool, having only removed 0.03% of the soap, and headed for the towel.

"Oh, no you don't!" I caught her and set her wriggling three-year old frame back onto the stool.

"Mommy!!" She protested, "The soap makes me clean!"

"Only if you rinse it off," I countered, turning on the water and grabbing a washcloth, "if you leave the soap on, it's sticky and makes more dirt cling to your hands..."

She was already on to her next activity in her mind, and after three children, I should know better than to try to reason with a toddler, but that little conversation stuck in my mind. My kid thought that soap makes her clean.
Well, it does, but it makes you clean by loosening dirt and grease particles from the surface of your skin, and binding with them, and then the bound dirt washes away under the water. If you soaped up and never rinsed, well, you'd have as many sticky doorknobs and fridge handles in your house as I do!

How many of us smother ourselves in something cleaning or bettering, but never utilize the true benefits of it?

I have seen people immerse themselves in Biblical (or other) teaching, but never put any of the learning to use. This is just as useless as un-rinsed soap!

I myself am guilty of this- as an incredibly insecure person, I have turned to sharp criticism to cloak my perceived shortcomings. This affects every relationship that I am in.

I have watched my own father listen to and read the Bible day after day, year after year, only to go and gruesomely fail his own marriage, lie to people, cheat in business, and generally be a semi-criminal. The Bible teachings, meant to grow us personally, have only coated him, not penetrated into his soul and washed away the lust, avarice, and dishonesty.

I have watched people that are somewhat prone to hedonism turn to severe teetotaling, rather than learn to moderate their lifestyle. In the presence of freedom, their minds cannot handle their own bend to possible badness, and they feel the need to smother themselves in rules and legalism. The exact thing that Christ came to free us from, and they've ducked right back into it!

I have watched people smother themselves in substance to dull the pain of existence, smother themselves in self-indulgence to reward some inner childish inclination, or smother others in criticism, mockery, flattery, whatever fulfills some perceived need.

What we need to do with the good things in our lives- the teachings and lessons and Bible readings and self-discipline- we need to allow the root of it penetrate our thick skins and get down to do what it really needs to do: change us from within. A coating of something good will eventually wear off, but in the meantime bad things can stick to it:

If you smother yourself in Bible teaching without learning, you will find yourself confused.
If you smother yourself in rules without true basis or reward, you will find yourself self-righteous.
If you smother yourself in substance to dull the pain without getting to the root of the pain, you will find yourself ill.
If you smother yourself and others around in criticism and reprimand without love and peace and kindness, you will find yourself alienated and alone.

When Kid #3 smothers her hands in soap and doesn't rinse them off, they get dirty faster, regardless of what she thinks. She will learn, in time, to rinse thoroughly.

Hopefully, she will learn faster than her mommy and her grandpa did how to really separate the dirt from the good.

Fun Kid's Citrus Shake-up Drink!

When the weather warms up and the kids clamor for lemonade, we have come up with a way of fixing lemonade that is fun for them!

Requirements:

• Mason jar with tight-fitting lid, quart size is good. If we run out of these, we use old pasta sauce jars, just so long as that lid fits well!!
  

• Citrus fruit, any kinds, cut into quarters. Our favorite mix is: one half of a lemon, one half of a lime, and one quarter of a tangerine. You can use whatever you have lying around, however.
• Sugar, appx 1/2 cup. Demerara or turbinado is excellent because of the larger crystals, they cut the fruit better and taste amazing!
• Ice
• Water!

Start by putting the citrus and the sugar, dry, into the Mason jar. Works best if you kinda squeeze the citrus just a little first, but you don't really have to. Screw the lid down tight and let your kids take turns shaking the heck outta that jar. The harder they shake, the better tasting the drink will be!



When the sugar looks saturated, run some warm water, about a cup's worth, into the jar and let the kids shake again. My three year-old can handle it even at this weight, I just have her stand on the kitchen sink rug in case it slips out of her grip.

When the sugar is dissolved, run some cold water in that jar, and shake it just a bit more. You now have somewhat concentrated citrus-ade! Pour it over ice and enjoy!!

Try adding interesting things, like mint, fresh lavendar, a sprig of thyme, or whatever you can think up.

This method makes the tastiest drink not only because it is fun (and fun always tastes better) but because the sharp edges of the sugar crystals gently pierce the actual rind of the citrus skin, adding a finite amount of citrus oil to your drink. We all know how lovely lemon zest tastes- adding that in tiny increments to your standard lemonade is utterly divine!

Payback

I have a theory.
I know that not every woman is going to be rational when picking a tiny LEGO brick out of her foot, but bear with me here...

LEGO: Causing foot pain to millions of parents worldwide.

Our kids are just payback. Remember the times you dragged out all of your mom's steel pots and banged away for hours? Now your own kids have a heavy wooden spoon and have figured out that the stair railing has unique harmonics. It's payback time.

When I was a kid, we didn't have a lot of toys, but we made good use of what we had. There was this toy in our house- I've never seen anything quite like it- that made a glorious noise. It was about ten inches long, had three wheels set into the peach plastic body, and an ugly animal sticker below the handle. The wheels- hideous primary colored melamine- would make a tinkly sound when spun gently. Spin faster, and the pitch rose. Spin all three at once, and you have your own little orchestra going on!
We would spin that thing for hours, and I distinctly remember my mom's voice, cracking from the pressure, yelling upstairs: "Enough!!"
Sorry, mom.

But now, you see, I have this wonderful mother-in-law. And she loves to gives my kids presents. For Christmas a few years back, she found these little kid keyboards. You know the kind- electric, with various beats and loops and 'demos'. When you turn this particular kind of keyboard on, it defaults to LOUD, running the scales a few times, before making a weird 'duhn.' sound.

She bought three.Children's Electric Keyboards: "No, sorry honey, we're out of batteries..."

Yup, one for each kid.

Payback.

Tinkertoys: Besides the undeniable quality of getting lost in the house,
they can also make good weapons.
I have fond memories of being smacked
in the head with a setup much like this.

For every Tinkertoy my mom stepped on, I have a LEGO wedged between my toes.

For every piece of crud I dropped downstairs through the post-and-beam assembly of our house, I find a piece of string tied to a doorknob.

For every marble out of our Chinese Checkers game that went rolling down the hall, I have... a marble out of our own Chinese Checkers game that winds up in my garbage disposal.

Marbles: Not sounding so good in the garbage disposal.

Looking through my children's toys yesterday, I realized just how many noise toys that we've received from parents. People who have lived this life of shattered concentration, staccato noise, and random toybox outbursts in the middle of the night!

I used to think it was treachery, now I see it for what it is.
They, too have put up with us, they are no stranger to finding the screwdriver and removing all of the batteries from a hiccuping speaker system. They, too, have limped and hobbled on bruised feet after stepping on tiny sharp-edged blocks and game components.

It's just payback time.

Wait until my kids grow up, I bet they have some nice noisemakers by then...