To Test Drive- Or Not!

"Waiting for marriage!" People snort derisively, "Wouldn't buy a car without test driving it first, would ya?!?"

I have heard this often over the years, and never really had an answer ready. I would merely shrug, happy in my own choices and standards.

I waited until marriage, and so did my husband, Michael. We are the blessed in the fact that we have a wonderful marriage, love life, and ongoing relationship. We didn't have a 'test drive' first in the sense of sleeping together- a few kisses were enough to let us know that we were passionately compatible!

And this morning, after ten and one half glorious years of marriage, the answer came to me in the shadows of pre-dawn- we didn't even need a test drive.

Sure, if you're going to the car lot to buy a used Saturn station wagon you may want to find out what you are getting. But if you have a Father, a really cool dad for whom money is not an object, you may have a different situation.

Imagine waking up one morning and looking out your bedroom window. Sitting in the driveway is a neon blue Ferrari Tessarosa. With your name on it. All yours, free and clear.

Are you going to whine about a test drive?? No! You're going to run out the door, barely remembering to thank your Dad, grab the keys, and start that baby up! It's been lovingly custom made, months of work and engineering and painting and tiny details, all for you. It's been handpicked by Someone who knows you the best, and although it will require maintenance, it is free. And yours. Forever.

When I bought my first car, I saved and worked and saved and worked. I walked into Weidner Motors one cloudy afternoon and plunked down $3,500 of my own sweat-stained money for a Ford Taurus station wagon. It was a great car, but within a few years I had outgrown my need for it. I sold it to a lovely Mexican lady in Tucson, and moments later had to chase her through the mall parking lot when I remembered my U2 tape was still in the deck! I have a few photos of that car, and some fond memories, but it was just a phase in my life.

When Michael entered my life, it was like finding that perfect match. His ragged edges fit my ragged edges and we completed each other. We didn't need to experiment to know that we were right for each other- we knew that we had been hand-picked by Someone who loved and knew us more than we ourselves knew us!

Our marriage has required maintenance- regular fill-ups of encouragement, costly date nights, inexpensive date nights, teary 'discussions' about everything from finances to why he can't seem to remember that I hate yellow roses, and the occasional spontaneous burst of love in a letter or song.

Unlike that Taurus wagon, I haven't outgrown my need for Michael. I still curl to his back at night, until my body heat spikes and the comforter becomes a raging inferno (anybody else have this problem? I need an ice-pack nightgown). Somehow, in the early morning gloaming, when the house is cooler and the blankets have made their way almost to the bathroom, our hands find each others and, mid-sleep, we once again snuggle together as tightly as we can fit. I have my heavenly Father to thank for the perfect match, the ultimate, custom-made mate that I will never need to upgrade or replace.

And I don't think he'll depreciate, either.

Decade

The dress I married in rests in a cedar chest at the foot of our bed. It is there as a reminder of our beginnings, but we seldom think about it as go about our daily lives.

Ten years ago. Well, ten years and a few months now, as I meant to do this post sooner.

We were young, so very young. People told us we had no idea what we were getting into- and really, we didn't. But we knew that we loved each other, and we knew that we could make it work.

And we always have.

Of course there have been bumps in the road- I would be dishonest to say it's all been delightful! But constant smooth sailing would be boring now, wouldn't it?

Three children, a dozen moves, and a mountain of debt later and here we are, still in love, and still fairly young! By the time we are 40, we will have 20 years of marriage under our belts and our kids will be able to fend for themselves. We can take that trip to Scotland that we always dreamed of, travel and explore and have some more adventures.

I don't know when we'll ever get to build our dream house together, the off-the-grid straw bale house with gardens on the roof that we've dreamed of for years. But somehow I feel that because we both hold the dream so dear that it will happen- even if its not until we're older. And then we'll have the garden and the observatory and the pair of mastiffs to walk with and the cat curled up in the window seat and an endless supply of tea and beer.

But until then we have daily adventures. I cook and he puts the leftovers away. I do laundry and he takes out the trash. I do all the grocery shopping and he deals with anything stinky or eight-legged. I pay bills and he structures a budget. I fall asleep early from sheer exhaustion and he tucks the children in and reads another chapter of Narnia to them.

We have a working relationship, we have a loving relationship, and we have a passionate relationship. He is the first one that I turn to in any trial or triumph. He is my rock, my stabilizer, my inspiration. He protects me from myself and the world, and I defend him to the death.

In our children I see us, mirrored yet made more perfect- my eyes, his eyelashes. My sharp cheekbones, his full lips. My funky feet, his unruly hair. They are so beautiful, a blend of all of our good features and none of the bad. Would to God that their personalities will follow suit.

He sleeps beside me now as I write this, peaceful as long as he is in contact with me. If I get up, moving away from him, and sit in my green chair by the window, he becomes restless and whimpers in his sleep. It is a vulnerable side of him that people do not often see.
He needs me.
I need him.
He has me.
I have him.
For another decade, for a lifetime.

Thanks for one great decade, Michael, and here's to another five.
I love you.

This IS the Best Life Now

I've heard some obnoxious radio ad for a book or program or something called "Your best Life NOW!"
I've never kept the radio on long enough to know what this travesty really is, because the person speaking sounds like a mental case. It's possible they took the gig just to make enough cash to get their next fix.

I don't need someone telling me how to have my best life now.

Sitting in my just-right-for-a-short-person chair, which also happens to be my favorite color, I can hear Michael's voice from the next room as he reads The Chronicles of Narnia to the kids for bedtime. His voice is reassuring, gentle, pleasant. I always wanted to marry a man with a pleasant voice, it was on my 'list'. His is the voice of one who will always be there for me.

In my stomach is an excellent meal, in my lap sits a finely-tuned piece of equipment on which to type drivel, and by my side is a candle flickering softly. Kids come to exchange goodnight kisses, giggles are shared beneath mismatched sheets and blankets. The furnace kicks on, warming us against the lingering Michigan winter. When the house is asleep, I'll wander downstairs and nibble on my kids' Easter bunnies.

Life is good.

Not perfect, but very, very good. Sure, my house is a mess and I'm late on my car payment and I could stand to lose some weight and I struggle with acne at the ridiculous age of thirty, but those all pale in comparison to the facts: I have a good life.
I am safe, for now.
I am provided for.
I have a good job and a pleasant work environment.
I have a car- missing a side mirror and a bit too small for my family of five- but it runs consistently and has AC and a radio. And a sunroof.
I have a home. The rent is a bit high, the toilet still doesn't want to flush, I have to endure a ceiling fan in the kitchen if I want light, and its a long haul to the backyard during barbeque season, but there's a roof over my head. With a skylight!
I live in a country that may have its issues, but allows me to freely worship where and when I please, go into business for myself, and cross state lines and buy oranges whenever I want and even read whatever book I choose. For now.
I have a family that tolerates my mistakes and weaknesses, loves me despite them all, and encourages me always to be a better person.
I have a mother-in-law that is just as close as another sister. And she hems my pants.
I have an Italian immigrant grandmother (nonna) with stories of the war and clear plastic on her couch and garlic in her fridge. She is failing rapidly, but still made sure I got a flower for Easter this year. When I look in the mirror I see her face and sturdy frame and I am not sure if I am honored or terrified to be so much like her.
I have three (count 'em, three!) daughters who love to be princesses just as much as they love to be Obi-Wan Kenobe. They are intelligent and articulate and beautiful, and even if they weren't I would love them with all of my heart.
I have a spouse, a partner, a lover in my husband of ten years. He spars with me, for which I respect him, and he protects me, for which I revere him. He never lets me accept second best from myself, and he takes the trash out faithfully. Sometimes... on a full moon, he even washes the dishes. I'm not sharing him, get your own.

So for all of the self-fulfillment books and tapes and pills and herbal concoctions out there: stop trying to sell me blather that I don't need!
And for all of you grasping for happiness- through money, love, or power- you won't find it if you don't have it! Take an evening to look around you, drink in the wonderful things you have been surrounded with, and learn to be fulfilled with your life. Build a piece of your own contentment. Be brave enough to experience and even drown in love. Eat a good steak. Read a good book (ahem, I can recommend one, if you need).

This is the best life you could have, today. Let tomorrow worry about itself. Let yesterday be yesterday.

Dating Translations

Mike and I celebrated our tenth anniversary this past week. I was thinking back on all of the attributes that attracted us to each other, and how some of this personality traits now tend to be ever so grating.

For those of you who are in the process of falling in love, or may someday be, here's a handy conversion chart:
[remember, its tongue-in-cheek, a good relationship only gets better with age :)]

Guess I might have been called honest and sincere and one point...