Little Parrots: Legacy Part II

Children learn what they are taught. This point is driven home to me every single day of my life lately. Sometimes, its good. Michael and I have a very loving discourse, and the kids have picked this up for us as well. There's an awful lot of hugging, loving, and pet names in our home.

They learn the other side as well. Just the other day, I was struggling to start my brother-in-law's notoriously difficult weed trimmer. After nearly yanking my arm off, the miserable thing started, sputtered, and died just before I could turn the choke off. I stormed into the house, arm and shoulder wrenched in pain, grumbling loudly;

"Aargh!" were my exact words, "Stupid, blithering piece of crap machine!!"

Kid #3, always sympathetic, came up to soothe me,

"Whatsa matter with the crap machine, mommy?"

If I hadn't corrected her (between laughs) she may have grown up thinking of a weed whacker as a crap machine. I suppose it wouldn't be too far from the truth, but it is an incorrect label, and disrespectful to boot.
They are tiny parrots- always beside us, mimicking our words, our ideals, our style of dress, and our very lives.
If we teach criticism, they will be critical.
If we teach racism, they will learn to hate.
If we teach fear, they will be paranoid.
If we teach consumerism, they will never value anything...

They unconsciously pattern their life after our own, whether we acknowledge that fact or not.

Can you believe that some person has that much trust in you? That much blind faith, to just repeat every action and sound and inflection of voice? Humbling.

For some reason, the bad things are ever so much easier for them to pick up than the good things. I hang up my towel every time I use it, but I think it will be another ten years before my own kids do that- threats notwithstanding!
But I have taught- by accident- some of the worst things my children do and say. I regret these acutely every time they are bounced back at me, and all that I can do now is provide a better example. We are all attempting to love more and be angry less.

Some things your kids will pick up on their own. I don't know where my third child got her precocious ability to entertain, or where my second child got her passionate heart for the missions field. I don't know where my first child's unreasonable fear of aloneness came from, but we're dealing with it with all of the patience we can muster.

It's important to remember that your children will only be this impressionable for a few short years. If you must scream epithets at the nightly news, wait until your kid is out of the house. If your appetite is out of control, learn to curb it for the, not just you. Be loving to your spouse and those around you, and teach respect for others, for nature, and for self. Don't focus on the empty ritual of religion- for the kids- but rather find the root of your belief and teach your child about what your faith means. They perceive far more than you know, and they will reject empty tradition far faster than they will reject true meaning.

Love them, nurture them, and let them grow up. And remember, always, that its up to you whether or not a weed whacker is a crap machine.
Photographs © 2007, courtesy of Arielle Smous

Labels: copying, kids, learning, legacy, parenting