Renter's Rant

I am one of those people who rent. I have never actually owned a home of my own, just moved from place to place, paying my landlords' mortgages. It kind of sucks, but it is nice to be able to uproot and go when we need to. Someday we'll own, but only when the time is right.

The house that we are currently renting is very nice, but is becoming more than we can bear financially. We are in the process of looking to downgrade, and I am (once again) finding myself increasingly frustrated by the entire process.

First of all, there are misleading listings. If the listing says '2/3 bedrooms', I can know that it has TWO bedrooms actually, with some weirdo pretend room with no door and no privacy. This isn't a room, buddy, its a den. Or a study. Or a parlor. Or a closet, for crying out loud. Call things as they are.

Secondly, if a home is less than a thousand square feet, but meant for a whole family, don't call it spacious. That's just not true, not even in Manhattan.

Thirdly, and this is really burning in my brain today, don't say the word 'clean' in the listing unless it is. When your classified ad says 'clean', I am expecting just that. When I walk into the rotting kitchen to find the actual meal that the last renters cooked still splattered on the stove- from six months ago- that is not clean.
When I open a cupboard door and my fingers stick to the remnants of god-knows-what, I will shudder, twitch with nausea, and determine that if you are ever my landlord, I will make your life a living misery. We're talking water heater broken in the middle of the night calls- that is what you deserve for not cleaning the kitchen and pretending its okay.

Fourth (can I still use the 'ly' suffix? at what point does that cease to make sense? hundred-ly?) there is the fine point of bathrooms. Bathrooms should not be carpeted. (neither should dining rooms, but I digress) If a bathroom has only a shower- no tub- it is three-fourths of a bathroom, and should be listed as such. If a bathroom has extensive water damage, maybe you should fix it before renting. If the hot and cold water taps are mixed up- at least tell your renter so that on the first night they move in the lady of the house does not scald her hands from the 'cold' tap. Bathrooms should not leak in most places, toilets should work, drains should be open. It's just common decency.

Once you are my landlord (if you're the honest kind), I will do my best to get you your checks on time. I will decorate your house, take loving care of it, hang pretty curtains in the windows, and plant a garden. I will take care of your home as if it were my own. I know that not all renters do this, but I am not all renters.
So, since I am treating your home like one of my own children- please make sure the toilet works! We have to use it! And if it does die, and you are finally able to accept that fact, buying a cut-rate 'floor model' toilet is just, well, crappy. (sorry!)

If the dishwasher doesn't work, replace it. Soon. If the floor has a gaping hole, fix it. Now. There are reasons that our country has slumlord laws.

I understand that the downturn in the economy has made many a mortgage payer an accidental landlord. I understand that quite possibly you do not want this duty and resent the people in your home. But if you maintain the Golden Rule- doing unto others as you would want done to you- you just may find yourself tenanted for longer periods of time. And you'll find less trouble once people leave.
And maybe, just maybe, you'll feel better about yourself.

Labels: economy, home, honesty, house, housing, market, mortgage, rent, truth