Granted, I haven't made an utter failure of motherhood.

But I have made a muddle of it, more or less, for about ten years now.


Among other transgressions was my particular need to control the look of the yearly Christmas tree. It had to be perfect, something out of a home decor magazine. My aunt, a former interior decorator in a wealthy area, taught me how to make a gorgeous tree, and I stuck closely to that standard. But this year I've reformed, you see. And in doing so, I think I've come a wee bit closer to what this holiday is about.

It started with my own childhood. I've written before about how precious a Christmas tree is to me, how much I love to have one decorated to perfection. Well, I took that a bit too far. It was easy, in the beginning, as it was just me decorating. Each year, I'd blow the budget on new lights, ornaments, tinsel. By a few years ago, I had what I thought was the perfect color scheme: jewel tones. Peacock feathers and little peacock ornaments, shimmering purple and green and rich orange. It was gorgeous. In 2004 it fell down, all 14 feet (yes! 14 feet!) of it, and I lost many of my ornaments. Thanks to some gifts from dear people, I re-amassed my collection, and last year it shone beautiful again, although now down to a moderate 6' tree :)

When my oldest was 3 or 4, she began bringing home little handmade ornaments from Sunday School. You know the type- crusty glitter lumped to one side, hardened glue halfway up the yarn hanger, mushy glue in small masses on the edge, those fuzzy pompons hanging limply from the middle, not a single color coordinating with another... most of us have made them and presented them to our own mothers (or other unsuspecting loved ones) with as much pride and Christmas goodwill as can be imagined.


I have always been kindly receptive to the actual finished piece- prolific in the "Oh, sweetie, how pretty!!" praise, as any decent mother will be. But it ended there. I had my tree, you know, and there was just not room for the lopsided, lumpy endeavors of my children. I had seen an idea somewhere, years ago, and I ran with it- a separate tree for the kids stuff. Let them throw two pounds of tinsel at it, let it have white lights mixed with multi-color (my own pet peeve!), let it have more ornaments on the bottom than the top, just let them at it. It was a good idea, and it kept my kids happy for a few years. They had their own crooked little mess of a tree in their bedroom, while I had the 'show' tree in the living room- perfect, balanced, color-matched.

But this year it will be different. I've begun to see my little ones through different eyes, somehow. I finally see them not as random interlopers, but as the vital ingredients of this family that they really are. And I was reminded of another parental relationship- my own to my God, my only Father, really. I bring Him my lumpy, mismanaged emotions... my misdirected rage and grief and my utterly inadequate creativity and allegiance. He takes the crooked cutout of my heart, sprinkled with tarnishing glitter and stuck together with my own tears, and He hangs it right there on another tree... and He is not ashamed to show His love for me.

So bring on the Elmer's and the glitter. Go ahead and put red yarn on a blue ornament. Glue your photo slightly sideways and make sure to leave a fingerprint on it, because those fingers won't be so tiny or clumsy forever.

Labels: Christmas, love, parenting

Repost from '07**

Howdy there, folks. Happy Holiday season to you all!
I had promised to tell you the 'ending' to my sad tale of short-fundedness of last Christmas. So, here we are...
Having found nothing but trash in my garage in the winter of 2006, and knowing, with my own and my husband's state of unemployment, that there would be no money that year, I decided to make the best seasonal decor that I could. A halfway decent live tree in Columbus was running about $50, and my tree stand was 5 hours away. I decided to take thew few dollars that I did have and put them into a few supplies:
Green Krylon spray paint- $3, felt remnant- $1, pipe cleaners- $1, pretty fabric remnant- $4, green tulle remnant- $2, all the green construction paper from my kid's multi-packs- virtually free. We collected a couple of weeks' worth of laundry soap bottles, pop bottles (no deposit or return in modern Ohio!) and steel cans, set them up in the basement, and proceeded to smoke ourselves out of our own house. (note to self for future: VENTILATION!)
Next, it was time to begin assembling an armature for the tree:
I have to apologize for the extremely poor quality of these photos. The camera has been subsequently punished by being lost in moving. So there.
Here you can see the 'trunk' shape taking place. About two days into this, the entire mess came toppling down, caused by the collapse of the box wall strength. They just don't make free Aldi boxes like they used to... {sigh}
If you are attempting this yourselves, I would like to stress to you the importance of these tips:
1.) A real tree has a rather fractal looking growth pattern. Just alternating directions of boxes will give you a kind of stiff-looking tree. If that's the look you're after- go for it! If you want something a tad more realistic, try angling layers by 30º as you go up.
2.) If you are going to decorate with ornaments and lights, make sure to leave spots open under protrusions, or you will have a hard time fitting stuff on.
3.) Make sure you have lots of glue sticks before beginning!
Here you can see how we ran the extension cord up into the middle of the tree. This allowed for better positioning of lights than if we just started them at the bottom.

Finished armature below: Now, on to the fun part!If this had been planned just a little further in advance, we could have had a better selection of bottles and can for shape. Here you can see the 'topper' pop bottle, as well as the beginnings of the pretty fabric. Glue, twist, press...

Having the extension cord coming out of the center was also wonderfully useful for wielding a hot glue gun at eye level.
Various green things being added on flat surfaces. Also utilization of child labor. Don't let the serious face fool you, this kid had a blast!
The green plates came from someone's party. I knew that this tree was a project, so instead of plain paper plates, we bought the 'holiday' green ones, washed the cake off (nasty grocery store frosting preferred to bond with the styrofoam) and glued them upside-down on open flat surfaces.

Green cups were from same party- can't remember whose or what for now. Here you can also see where some leftover green tissue worked its way into the design. Tissue is cheap, versatile, and makes a cool crinkly sound when you scrunch it.
Felt wrapped monster coffee can second from top. There's no evidence in this photo that I like plaid or anything...


Getting there. For ornament hangers, we twisted 2 pipe cleaners together (1 just wasn't strong enough for much weight) and formed it into a rather open figure eight. One end glued to the the tree at some point, the other end curled away from the tree to allow for ornament positioning.Varying the textures and shades of green gave it a nice feel and look, in our opinion. With the possibilities open, you could make just about any color or theme that you could dream up! I would love to do a pastel and shimmer one next year for my daughters' room.
Lights, ornaments, action! Finished tree. Height: 7' 10". Base width: 4'. Total cost: $22. Total time: (including that of my children) appx 14 hrs. Hot glue sticks used: 44 extra longs.
Oh Tannebaum.... how ever cheap your trash is...

This year both Michael and I have real jobs. We are also in Michigan, where you can get a respectable tree for $20, $10 if you want to cut it yourself. We will be buying a tree and vacuuming needles. I haven't had a chance to stockpile trash, but some year I'm going to plan ahead, and we're doing this again.

Merry Christmas!!

Labels: Christmas, recycle, reuse, trash, tree

The brass was corroded and dingy, and the little glass/mirror inserts were dirty and chipped. One thing that impressed me were the curved glass inserts on the big frames- you don't see that very often these days.

Here they are, all lined up for their re-finish. As I pulled out my paint, I suddenly noticed something odd about the small frames- there was an odd one in the bunch! Can you spot it?
Now this was (and still is) perplexing. I suppose it is nothing even remotely interesting, but it was to me. Yeah, I've got this obsessive personality, so I had to document the differences between them. Not only was the odd one out a whiter metal (white brass or zinc, I didn't want to bend it up to test) but it has a distinctly different layout in spots, although at first glance they're all the same.
As someone who has spent the better part of her life carving, molding, casting, and finishing metal designs, I can tell that one of these is some sort of a copy- but which one? Often, when a metalsmith is molding a piece to remake for their own line, they will change the details so that they can avoid copyright infringement. The white metal one has much finer detail in spots, but was also thinner and seemed more delicate. Is this the original? And if so- what was the lady doing with one odd one? Had she found a close match at one point in time and mixed it with the group? Did someone break one, resulting in a new purchase? Were they made by completely different casting houses? Both items are stamped 'MADE IN ITALY', so who knows the history? I just think there's a story behind this, and I would love to know it.

Labels: crafts, found objects, projects

It's been a gray, cold, and weird summer so far, beach time has been spotty. The water was cold and uninviting.

Labels: beach, fun, kids, slowing down

note: reposted from last summer.

Ahhhh.... it's Farmer's Market season here again. Michigan has a shorter growing season, so our Market doesn't open until late June, but we try to take full advantage of it!

Here are ten reasons that your local Farmer's Market is the best food option anytime:

1) Meet The Source.

Instead of the pimple-faced kid randomly dropping your tomatoes on the floor before they get wedged into the stand, at the FM you usually buy your nightshade fruit from the guy who grew it. Grocery stores: who knows where that thing was grown, in what soil conditions, picked green, gassed to get some color, and shipped hundreds, if not thousands, of miles before it reaches you.

2) Get Your Hands Dirty.

Food prep, cooking, eating... all of this is a very tactile experience. I love bringing home gritty lettuce and squash, knowing that it was picked fresh from my native Northern Michigan soil within a few hours of me actually eating it! Washing dirt off the veggies, sand off the strawberries is a soothing and almost grounding (get it!?!) experience for me, and I feel like I know the texture and weight of the food better as I go to prep it. Naturally occurring dirt is also much better than...

3) No Stupid Stickers!

Don't you just love this: you're shredding an apple for your favorite oatmeal cookie recipe. The shredder balks and shudders, breaking your rhythm, and you discover tiny bits of shredded PLU sticker in your cookie batter. Awesome. No cash registers means no PLUs- means no irritating little oval stickers to peel off your food!

4) Support Your Local Economy.

This one is obvious. Who benefits more from the $30 you're spending on berries and stew ingredients: Wal-Mart, or the Amish guy in the neighboring community? Wal-Mart will just gouge another employee on their health insurance, while the farmer can buy more seed, feed his own family, or just exist another day.

5) It's Healthier.

Even if the farmers don't grow organic, your food is more ripe, more natural, less travelled, and more fresh than anything you could get at a grocery store. Honey will have local pollen which is (allegedly) better for any allergies you may have. Naturally sun-ripened fruits & vegetables have a higher vitamin count and nutritional benefit.

6) Lessen Your Carbon Footprint.

From Mexico to Indiana, or Indiana to Indiana? Again, this one's obvious. Also, most rural farmland has been around for years, rather than being a result of massive slash-and-burn desecration.

Another point is that many local farmers use Mason jars, paper bags, wooden bushels, etc. Re-used and reusable storage. No fancy packaging to pay extra for, them throw away. My local produce market has a $2 deposit on strawberry flats, and they wash and re-use the little wood slat quart boxes!

7) Alternative Economy Possibilities.

We haven't tried this one much yet, but have spoken to people who have: barter, trade, bulk discounts, etc. You're not dealing with a huge faceless corporation here, but one or two live people with needs and reasoning skills. Do you have a service or product to provide? I need to start tempting the honey lady with my jewelry designs...

8) People.

Tuesday, Mike and I bought a raw milk share (finally!). This morning, Mike went to pick up our first gallon and a half of rich ivory dairy- with cream all ready to skim off the top for butter! When he got to the farm, he got to meet 'our' cow and its calf, as well as some happy children who live on the farm. Kid #3 went with him and got to see piggies, cows, horses & chickens. She fed the calf, got manure on her sandals, and generally had a blast. How much better is this kind of life than the sterile, cloistered environments most Americans are used to obtaining their food in?

One day last year a young man occupied an empty market stall. Dressed in 1940s era clothing- white shirt, suspenders, & high-waisted trousers- he played ragtime on his guitar and sang lovely songs, old and new. We bought his CD and threw some money in his hat. Turns out he's an old friend of my brother-in-law, breaking into the major music markets. I went home with salad, fresh flowers, and a lift in my step from the great music. Isn't that better than the same Elton John song over and over on the Meijer radio system? I think so.

Every time we go to the Farmer's Market we form another little relationship. Some of the people there are work-hardened, weather-beaten folks with little of a friendly exterior. But others are just the salt of the earth- with canning advice, stories, and a bit of banter for everyone they meet.

9) Happy Animals.

All of the farmers that I've seen in my area are humane folk. Their chickens are free-range, their cattle eat lovely green grass, and their creatures run free instead of being penned in a miserable dark stall for most of their lives. I know many of you out there do not eat meat or dairy because of inhumane animal practices, but I believe that an animal treated better in its life will just be a better meal.

10) Eat the Seasons.
Strawberries and asparagus grace our markets right now. In a few weeks we'll have blueberries and patty pan squash. Not only are menus easier to plan (for me, at least) when you know what's ready to cook, but I've been hearing a lot of great things about the health benefits of eating seasonal fresh veggies and fruits.

Eating what the Earth produces- when it produces- is ecologically sound, financially beneficial, and tasty. I could not bear one more plastic clamshell container of strawberries last month! Now, for just a short and lovely season, I have ripe strawberries that are actually sweet, have juice in them, and were allowed to ripen in the sunshine!

I can't think of anything more beautiful, more natural, or more perfect than the bounty that the Farmer's Market offers. From maple syrup to hot peppers, you'll find me there sniffing and shopping and eating and living. I hope to see you there, too!

Labels: carbon footprint, cooking, eating, ecology, economy, farm, farmers market, food, fruit, gas, honey, money, natural, produce, vegetables

Labels: adventure

My youngest child has a unique way of saying grace in the evening. Instead of the usual requests and thanks, she thanks God for everything, even the things that are yet to come. An average prayer from her goes something like this:

"Thank you for the food, and for making the food, and for everyone that maked the food, and thank you for my sisters not to hurt me, even though I might be mean to them, and- Hey! You're not holding my hand!- and thank you for us to have a bright sunny day tomorrow and thank you for us to all be nice to everybody and..."

Somewhere around that point, dinner's aroma wafting up to our noses temptingly, we place a fork in her hand and shout "Amen!", just so that we may partake of the meal. I often feel guilty for cutting her short, but hey, dinnertime is important, right?

But there's a bit of a good lesson to be had in her prayer. Not that the confused words of my child are something incredibly profound, (I hope I will never be arrogant enough to think like that!) but there is something to learn in nearly every part of our lives. She thanks God for things that are yet to come, and she does it with the perfect faith that those things will happen! Just like the story in 2 Chronicles 20, where the army of Israel marched into battle with musicians as their advance guard, trusting God for the blessing to come. This is just one of the examples of childlike faith that we lose as our logical adult minds take over.

So, instead of the pleas and complaints and tentative requests and guilty self-recriminations of my usual prayers, today I'm going to try praying like my baby does;

Thank you for the food that is on our table today, and thank you for what is going to be there tomorrow and the next day. Thank you for my family, that they are kind and sweet no matter how cranky I am. Thank you for my job, my car, the sunshine outside, the rain and the dew and the strange next door neighbor who shoves Chapstick through her screen window. Thank you for the things that will happen tomorrow, whether they are good or bad. Thank you, in advance, for whatever happens in my life.

Labels: faith, prayer

The sunny and peace-loving middle child... that smile can melt my heart any day.

The ethereal oldest, so fragile and lovely...

The baby, the last of 'em. Social, funny, and as sweet as that confection in her hand. Most days...